This is not going to be an ordinary introduction to myself. I won't talk about where I am from, how old I am, what my profession is and so on. That is not what matters. This page is more like a little diary snippet, where I share my thoughts without masking them, without performance. After all, this is my sanctuary. A safe space I want to share with others.

In summary, there isn't much to say about me. Just an ordinary person trying to be someone more than she is. My name is Alexandra and I don't have a place I call home. So this is going to be its replacement.

-

I struggle to exist in this world and in this society. On the outside, I appear to be happy, confident, fulfilled. People see me as nurturing, understanding, funny, even cool. To some degree it might be true, but my reality is different, and I can't seem to see what others see in me. I struggle to find reasons to be alive. A lot of times the happiness I get leaves me and I constantly get stuck in cycles I can't seem to break.

Love, an essential human experience, never came easy to me. Since I was a child, and up to this day I lack it. It was never given to me unconditionally. I had and still have to constantly earn it, which is exhausting. I run after people who don't want me, I try things that clearly harm me and I always get stuck in places that break me. Who would think that the lack of something so fundamental leads to such consequences.

Recently, I also came to the realization that the following reason is why everything I described still happens to me: The only person, the only soul who is supposed to love me — myself — is scared to accept my flaws. Therefore, I end up repeatedly rejecting myself before others do. I end up putting on a mask in order to be accepted. That is the only way I know how to survive. For that reason, I am constantly changing myself. Always in the process of self-discovery without really finding out who I truly am.

One thing I know for sure: to myself I am nothing and, at the same time, I am everything. I am a reflection of others as well as others are a reflection of me. A walking contradiction in a shell. A paradox.

My only help is my art. I use it to navigate through my emotions and feelings. To express my deepest desires, fears, thoughts, experiences that are not allowed to be spoken out loud — things I rarely voice.

I decided to create this website where I could collect every creation I made and could showcase everything to the outside world. My end goal is to make people feel, even if it is only a little tiny emotion that shows up for a split second.

In a world where humanity is dying out, art is our only salvation.